I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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