it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
