I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
