How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
is it fun? or sober?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
