Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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