True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
