I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
