he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
