I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
