Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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