Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
