you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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