I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
