Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
