My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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