I wish I could teleport
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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