I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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