He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize