I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
