Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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