left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
