She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
