I never want to see another naked old woman again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
