Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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