I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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