Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
