the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
