I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
