Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize