so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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