Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
