those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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