scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
