But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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