Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
