I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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