yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
