The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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