Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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