i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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