My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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