I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
