I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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