I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
