it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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