i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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