Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
is it fun? or sober?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
