im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
