tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize