Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
