I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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