census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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