your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
