If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize