Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
