We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
