i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
