Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
