its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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