How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
