You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need to calm my uterus...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
