Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
