I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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