She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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