I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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