proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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