some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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