college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
