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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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