Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
