i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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