It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is wine microwaveable?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
