i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
