does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
All the doctor said was why
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize