My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
