Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
40s are totally the cure
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
