there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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