'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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