I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
