I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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