Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
