nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You are a genius and a whore.
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