I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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