Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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