I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
