am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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