the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
