i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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