and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
