I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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