There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
