they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
