I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
