My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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