there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
