His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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