it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
