it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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