____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
two words: eviction party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
