You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
