I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
