when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize