I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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