im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
