I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
