So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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