That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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